Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
