i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
