So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
