Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
