take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
