i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
