threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
