I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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