I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
