I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
