they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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