im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
