Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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