I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
