I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
