I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
