$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
