just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
