Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
