You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
