im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
