I want to have your abortion
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
