My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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