Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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