So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
