dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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