too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
