Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
