Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
