y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
