life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
