Your face is a jimmy john
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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