you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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