I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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