I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
