I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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