strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
