I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
