11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
