i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
