you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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