She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
