On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
