so explain again why im purple
no
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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