drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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