I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
