Your face is a jimmy john
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
