My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
