Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
