just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
