they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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