Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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