I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
